Closure
by vivid-heart
Summary: "Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you". What will L.J. Gibbs leave behind? /(Old) Cast/ Complete
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't old age or a bullet through his chest. It wasn't a lucky punk with a lucky shot. It wasn't ninety long years and an ever-lasting dream. It was cancer. It was a deadly, incurable cancer - rotting his core and making him weak.

He stared at the black and white TV that kept on working after all these years. Same shows and movies. It got old real quick, but he didn't mind. As long as there was noise rather than silence, it was okay with him. The silence felt worse than the inevitable death – way worse.

A cup of black coffee was waiting for him but he was, once again, too tired to reach for it and drink it. Who would have guessed? Him, being too tired to drink coffee, the one liquid that kept him going all these years, besides the occasional glass of bourbon.

He chuckled silently.

It was pathetic to be shrunken into this stage. He used to be all over the world. Chasing bad guys, scolding them and making them pay for every heinous act they ever committed... He used to be someone - a father, son, agent and a mentor... Now, all he had were silence, occasional visitors and too much time to kill. He thought it was ironic. Back in the service, he prayed to live another minute. At work, time went by too fast to catch all the bad guys. And now, there was nothing but time, and it was horrible.

The doctors in the hospital gave him three years, tops. He looked at his soiled hands when he received the news. He had been repairing his car that had been making strange noises for two weeks. Then he got a phone call and dropped down to the hospital to hear the test result from the biopsy they had taken couple weeks ago. He didn't tell anyone where he had went or what he had heard.

_Lung cancer._

And it was spreading, fast.

He had looked at his hands and then the doctor, asking were they absolutely sure and what was the survivor rate. The doctors had the look on their faces - that look of pity and sadness. He wasn't a fan of neither of them. Still, he took the news as any proud man would have, calmly and silently. He nodded a lot and pretended to understand all the treatments that they would offer and that he would refuse. They kept on insisting to at least try. He told them that the road he had chosen, would the one he'd stay on until the end.

The doctors were baffled. What a stubborn fool.

Now, he regretted that he didn't try. Three years went by too fast and it started to hurt when it was too late to get any real help. He didn't lose his health during chemotherapy, but by wishing for the best. His lungs felt like someone elses. His body was weak and thin, like paper. He hadn't carved wood in a long time. He wanted to built a boat but it was too late now.

He looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. It was time for medication, all of the ten different pills for another ten kinds of diseases. It seemed like the doctors were making them up. Depression, anxiety, blood pressure, pain killers...

Water, pill, swallow.

Water, pill, swallow.

Repeat eight times.

He sighed again. This was getting even more older than the TV. He hated the pills but most of all, he hated being like this. Alone, weak and fragile.

"Gibbs?" the door opened slowly.

He had to answer something or they would rush in to make sure he wasn't dead, that had happened three times already. It was always more embarrassing for them. Each time he had been on the toilet with his pants down in his ankles, yelling them to beat it. They would make excuses about being worried, he would just give them the glare and they'd shut up.

"I'm still breathing", he said.

It was Ziva.

She had cut her hair again. It was shorter now, definitely. She was beautiful as always, even with the pathetic excuse of a supporting smile on her face. She kept the door open for her husband.

Tony looked older but definitely not wiser. He was still the same clown he had always been. If it would have been for his wife, he might have never settled down or grown up. The changes he overcame with his wife made him a different man. He wasn't childish or reckless anymore, but more mature and thoughtful.

He had groceries with him. Something for his boss to eat if he was even hungry anymore. He placed them on the kitchen table before organizing them into the fridge.

Ziva reminded him not to put the bananas in the fridge since Gibbs hated it. Tony groaned and said that he remember that, even thought he quickly took the bananas from the fridge.

"So, how are you holding up?" she turned to her boss, still faking the smile she had been wearing since she entered his home. She sat on the couch that Gibbs had been sleeping his entire time in the house and still did. He refused to get a more comfortable bed. He said that the couch reminded him of better times and kept him down the earth when the docs stuffed him up with pain killers.

He looked at her plainly, "Brilliantly".

She didn't mind him being cranky and she chose to ignore the ridiculous amounts of sarcasm. She knew his pain and how humiliating it must felt for him to expose his weak spots to the ones closest to him, "We were in the neighborhood and thought to stop by".

Tony came back from the kitchen and sat next to his wife. They joined hands and looked happy. Gibbs felt like a dark cloud on their sunny sky. He thought he was allowed - he was the only one in the room currently dying, after all.

"What have you been doing?" Tony asked and stroked the ring on his wife's finger. It reminded Gibbs of Shannon and how he used to do the exact same thing. They used to be so happy. He was still bitter that life took her away from him, and their daughter too. He would have given his own life in a second to be able to see them again or let them life instead of him. He never had that choice. Someone else made the choice for him and killed them. His revenge wasn't a dish best served cold, it was vomit in his throat and tears in his eyes. He had long thought that he had already died once, with his daughter and wife and that had been more painful than the cancer he was suffering from now.

Gibbs remembered how he had visited their graves for the first time. It was like walking through hell. The pain was excruciating and unbearable. It drowned him in sorrow all over again. The sadness didn't come in waves, it was always there, in the back of his mind, telling him all over again that he was alone, that the only people that ever mattered were gone.

"Hey, are you listening?" Tony waved his hand in front of Gibbs, who realized that he was now sick and alone, bothered by two of his colleagues.

"Yeah, yeah".

"You didn't answer me", Tony reminded.

"What have I been doing, DiNozzo? Sitting on my ass, waiting for death", he said.

Tony swallowed the lump on his throat and tried to chuckle, "Funny, boss".

"Isn't it? You should try too, it's really fun", Gibbs mocked.

"That is enough", Ziva stopped them both and told Tony to go make some coffee.

He stood up and took a hold of Gibbs' cup. He noticed that it was still full of old and cold coffee. He looked at his boss and then the cup. It wasn't his words that got to him, not those cruel, horrible jokes of death but this, a cup of coffee. He grabbed it and took it to kitchen. He poured the old pale liquid down the drain. He was afraid that that would be Gibbs' fate too - him, being sucked down the drain while hanging onto dear life. But the stream would too strong and it would eventually swallow him.

Without making a sound, Tony brewed new coffee.

Ziva looked at her husband and then her boss, "Do you need anything? I know it is painfully hard for you to ask, but please do. We want to help you".

"Is Ducky coming anytime soon?"

"I do not know. Do you want me to tell him to come?"

"No, I... I just asked", he said and coughed.

Ziva patted his back. She didn't want to come here today. She wanted to stay home and just be happy. She wanted to ignore Gibbs' suffering and watch TV with her husband. She wanted to forget all about the cancer, but she couldn't and Tony wouldn't let her.

She couldn't ever forget the night Gibbs had told them. Tony wasn't there that night, but everyone else was. Abby cried like a child and refused to believe it. She had clanged on Gibbs' neck and sobbed against him. It was horrible. Ducky and Jimmy patted each others backs, like saying that they were there for each others. McGee collapsed to sit on his chair. He hid his face in his hands and prayed that this was a bad dream. It wasn't. Ziva just stood, completely still, looking at his boss and saw the changes in him that she had previously refused to see. The lines on his face, weight and hair loss. She saw it all, the truth in front of her and it made her cry. She couldn't help the tears that fell down her cheek. The worse part came that night when she had to tell Tony about it. Tony had made couple of jokes, thinking that what Ziva had told him was one. Slowly it got to him that someone extremely close to him was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. He cried through the night. Ziva held him and kept whispering that everything would be okay. She wanted to stay strong but eventually, she broke down too. She felt like she had been torn to pieces and the one person who held her at her weakest was now crying on her lap and another one was dying. She couldn't believe it.

But no matter how much she denied it, it was true.

"Gibbs", she said and smiled sadly, "What do you need?"

"Tell Duck to swing by soon", he said and shrugged, "That's all".

Ziva nodded.

Tony joined them with three cups of coffee. He handed Ziva hers but she placed it on the table and forgot all about it. His own he kept in his hands and the last one he gave to Gibbs. He took it into his trembling hands.

"So, did we tell you about our catastrophe at home?" Tony tried to make small talk. He wrapped his arm around Ziva's shoulders.

He started to tell Gibbs about how their utility room was soaking with water since their washing machine broke down. They had to mop up for two days. They finally got their new washing machine today. They were just headed from the store actually. Got the machine from sale too.

"You could have had mine", Gibbs suggested, "I don't need it anymore. They wash my clothes somewhere else".

Tony felt hopeless. Was there any topic of conversation that he wouldn't be able to turn into his misery? Was it wrong to want to tell him to shut up and live for the moment instead of loathing in misery? But could he tell that to someone who was suffering from cancer and especially someone who was so... Gibbs? There was always the fear that he'd smack the living life out of him, but when Tony looked at Gibbs' hands, he realized that the head slaps were pretty much history.

"Right", he rubbed his neck, "Well, we didn't think about that".

Gibbs didn't say anything. He lifted the cup of coffee on his lips. The liquid was too hot but he didn't care. A familiar burn of coffee was better source of pain than his rotting core. He closed his eyes and a smile took over the corner of his eyes and mouth. It was barely visible but it was a smile nevertheless.

Tony remembered that smile. He saw it when Ziva came back from Israel. They all thought she had left for good, until one day she dropped to the squad room. She looked sad and lost, like a little girl, left alone in a forest, crying for somebody to save her. She looked like a woman instead of an ex-Mossad assassin or an ex-NCIS agent. Ziva David stood in front of her colleagues and said that she was finally home. She had her luggage with her since she headed straight to Navy Yard from the airport. Abby who had come to upstairs with Jimmy and Ducky, stood completely still, staring at Ziva. Tony was the first one to make a move. He dropped his cellphone and the papers he was holding onto the floor and walked towards her. She dropped her luggage from her hands. Tony came to her, grabbed her face and kissed her. Everyone stared but they didn't care. She clang onto him and pressed her body against his. She had missed him so much, it was unbelievable. He had missed her too, so much that there were tears in his eyes. Having her in his arms made him feel whole again. She felt like she was where she belonged. Abby, Jimmy, Ducky and Tim ran to hug her after her sweet moment with Tony. Gibbs sat back on his chair and smiled. He felt like his daughter had come back home.

The same smile appeared on his face when Tony and Ziva finally got married. Gibbs had taken her hand in his and walked her to the aisle. She smiled the whole way. She was so happy and so was he. Gibbs had never looked prouder. When he let her hand go, he kissed her forehead and told her how much he loved her. When Tony and Ziva said their vows, Gibbs held Abby's hand, no, he _squeezed_ it to stop himself from crying. Abby kissed his cheek and smiled with tears in her eyes. The happiness was overwhelming and Tony wanted that time back more than ever.

It's been six years since that day. Gibbs wasn't yelling at them in the squad room anymore. He hadn't been at work since year and a half ago. He was first replaced by agent Crimson. He was a pain in the ass for following every single rule he could find. He was stuck up and mean when it came to his team. After two complaints, (and something that suspiciously looked and felt like a nervous breakdown,) he finally decided to quit. His role as a team leader was passed to Tony. He accepted it gladly, announcing that he would follow the footsteps of one and only L.J. Gibbs. His new team had clapped their hands and his wife had kissed him.

"Oh damn", Ziva gazed at her watch, "We have to go, Tony! The repair man will be at our house in half an hour!"

"I forgot about him!" Tony groaned and took Ziva's and his mug to the kitchen, quickly rinsed them and put them into shelf to dry up.

"You need anything?" Ziva asked from Gibbs. He shook his head and placed his cup of coffee on the table.

"Okay, we'll be going now," Tony said and took Ziva's hand in his, "Call us if you need something".

"Just go already, or you'll be late".

Tony and Ziva opened and then closed the front door. Silence fell like a depressive cloud over him. He sighed and leaned back on the couch.

The coffee got cold.

* * *

**Hi, again y'all! I'm happy to announce that I've been writing a lot of NCIS again! It's great to freshen up a bit and just... write! This has few chapters in it too, so for once, no one-shots!  
So anyways, here we have a new story again. I suffered two major writer blocks during the writing, but I got passed them, so I'm cool.  
The point of this story are the inevitable things in life. I wanted to, for once, bring life to the characters that seem to get less attention (like Abby and Palmer, etc.). So there should be something from all of them! If I didn't forget someone, that is... If I did, please Gibbs-slap me ASAP.  
And, to be honest, it was hard writing this fic. I felt like it tore my soul in two.**

**But I sincerely hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you already :)**

**- L**


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, someone knocked on Gibbs' door. It was Abby who had come to visit him with Jimmy and McGee.

Abby sat next to Gibbs and hugged him tightly. She had become more and more clingy when it came to him. Any mention of his disease would push her to the verge of tears. It was a painful subject to say the least. She refused to talk about a future where he wouldn't exist. Gibbs was extremely important figure in her life so even imagining him gone was horrible. She had spent a lot of time with McGee, since Tony and Ziva had pulled away from them to spent time together. She felt neglected and every time she used to feel that way, she'd talk to Gibbs, but nowadays he was tired and cranky. He wasn't there for Abby like he used to be – that broke her apart. She cried a lot and hugged people more often. She tried to be cheerful too, but it was difficult. The possibility of losing Gibbs was devastating.

McGee walked to make coffee. He had kept everything to himself, playing video games because it seemed to the only safe way to release the anger of not being able to control someone's life and make it better. Cancer was a curse word at work and anywhere with team members present. He had thought about the future and the funeral, but pushed them aside. When he looked at Gibbs, he saw the frail being and it made him incredibly sad and responsible. He had spent countless nights comforting Abby. He even lived with her for like a week, after Gibbs broke the news. When Tim closed his eyes, he could still see her face, covered in tears and her sobbing figure scattered all over his lap. He sat in her bed and held her until they both had fell asleep. She didn't even know the half of how much he loved her. Seeing Abby upset and crying made Tim feel hopeless and useless. He'd move the mountains and cure Gibbs just to make her happy, but he couldn't. Instead, he spent his time with her in his arms, crying like a little child.

Jimmy sat on a chair, facing Gibbs and Abby. He had a smile on his face and he looked calm. On the inside, he was completely and utterly terrified. He didn't want to visit Gibbs, because he was afraid of seeing him in such fragile state that it would bring Jimmy to his knees and the crying would never stop. No one knew about the few nights when he cried against Breena. She held him and told him everything would be okay. Jimmy didn't believe it then and not even now.

"Did Tony and Ziva visit you?" Abby asked.

"Yeah, two days ago", Gibbs answered.

"Did they stay for long? Did they bring you food?"

"They stayed for a little while, because some repair guy was coming to install their washing machine or something".

"Oh right", Jimmy remembered, "Tony mentioned how their utility room had been like a swimming pool".

"Happy mopping to them", Abby chuckled.

Tim came to pick up Gibbs' coffee mug for a rinse and then to pour fresh coffee in it. He noticed that it was practically full of old and cold coffee. Tim thought that Gibbs was the only one who basically functioned because of coffee. He thought the man was practically made from it. Gibbs must have gotten worse if coffee wasn't enough to fix his mood or pains.

"Why didn't Ducky come?" Gibbs asked.

Jimmy cleared his throat, "Well, uh, he had a bridge game to finish".

"You wanna see him?" Abby asked and smiled.

"Tell him to stop by when he has time, that's all".

"Will do", Jimmy promised.

Tim brought them all coffee. Abby skipped and took out her small sized cup of caf-pow. Gibbs saw it and chuckled. She hadn't changed a bit, he thought to himself. It was comforting in a way. He knew that she was breaking inside, but at least some of her old traits were still there.

McGee, Jimmy and Abby stayed for an hour, talking nonsense to keep the conversations up and drinking coffee. Everyone was hiding something, either it was sadness, tears or pain. Gibbs enjoyed that something else fulfilled the silence than the voices of TV.

Abby bright up the place. She always did that, no matter where'd she go. She was a happy girl and that was one of the many reasons Gibbs loved her dearly. There was something in her that reminded Gibbs of her daughter, Kelly. Maybe it was the bright smile or optimism.

Right before they left, Abby told the boys to go before her. They went to wait at the car as Abby stayed behind. She hugged Gibbs and smiled. She looked scared and he could see that she definitely wasn't feeling positive and strong.

"Abby, I am okay".

"I know. I just..."

"What?"

"Just... I just worry so much. I don't want you to -"

Before she could finish the sentence, she began to cry. Something in Gibbs broke too. The sentiment he held for Abby was enormous, but no one knew it. He didn't think that even Abby herself knew it. He hid it that well.

Gibbs wrapped his shaky arms around Abby and hugged her. It was a weak version compared to Abby's hugs. She turned and practically threw herself in his neck. She clang onto him hard and refused to let go. She felt like every time she'd see Gibbs, could just as easily be the last one. She felt him growing weaker and weaker by the minute and she was afraid that he'd die too soon - and without a hug from her.

"I'm sorry, Gibbs".

"For what?"

"I don't know.. All of this?" Abby said and shook her head, "I still haven't accepted this and I possibly never will".

"Abs..."

"No, Gibbs! I'm not ready to say goodbye! I'm not ready to let go! I can't do this anymore! I don't want you to leave me alone! Who's gonna make me feel better when I'm sad? Who?!"

"Abby..."

"Who's gonna bring me my daily caf-pow? Who's gonna talk sense into me when I keep rambling on? Who's gonna support me no matter what? Don't you get it? You've been like a father to me! I can always count on you and I know that no one's ever gonna be able to take your place! So excuse me for crying but I just can't understand this! Why is this happening? Why are you leaving me, Gibbs?"

"Abigail!"

Her yelling toned down to whispering, "I'm just not ready. I can't do this. I am scared of being alone. I need my Gibbs".

She looked him with eyes of a lost little girl. Her make up ran down her cheeks and the bubbly happiness was gone. She was scared and angry and hurt and Gibbs didn't blame her. He knew that she was a strong woman, capable of moving forward but to be completely honest... Out of everyone in his former team, Abby was the one he had the most concerns about. He was genuinely worried about her future. Their bond was unique and he wanted it to stay as unbreakable as it had been for all the years they had been working together, but... What would happened when he was gone? Tony would of course look after her. When he broke the news to the team while Tony wasn't there, he actually came to visit him in his basement. Gibbs had made him promise to take care of Abby after he was gone. Abby was more vulnerable so naturally Gibbs was worried and wanted someone to look after her. Tony had promised to do so and at the same time, bring Gibbs a peace of mind.

"Abigail... Everything'll be okay. I promise you. I'm not dying just yet. And you can come see me any time you like. I'll always be here", he tried to convince her and brushed the tears from her cheeks. He had mascara stains on his thumbs, but it was the least of his worries.

"Gibbs, I love you, you know that right?"

He could actually feel it crack – something inside of him lost it's balance for a blink of an eye and broke apart. His heart felt heavy. Abby's words hit him like a ton of bricks, like a stab straight in the heart. He thought he could almost feel the sharp blade of worry and agony going slowly through him.

He mustered all his strength together, "I know, Abs".

"I gotta go," she pointed the door, "McGee is coming to stay with me again, possible for few days. He's been such a good friend".

Gibbs thought he'd keep one more obvious secret, but he thought that this would also be a great opportunity to do something good, "He loves you, Abby", he revealed.

Abby stopped her movements for a second. She felt herself blushing a bit, "What? W-What do you mean by that?"

"He loves you", he said, "You're just too close to see it clearly".

She looked in front of her absentmindedly and then Gibbs, "You serious?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Have I ever been wrong?"

"Wow", she exhaled loudly, "Okay now I _really _gotta go... To talk to him or whatever", she said and stood up.

"Wait", Gibbs said, "Come closer".

Abby leaned in and he pressed a sweet kiss on her temple with his chapped lips, whispering, "I love you too, Abs".

She swallowed and tears glistened at the corner of her eyes. She felt lucky to have a man like Gibbs in her life. More than lucky actually, but she had not yet found a word to describe it.

Abby smiled and left.

When the silence fell on him, Gibbs broke down in tears. He was afraid too, even thought he wouldn't easily admit it. He was negative and cranky and everything else and also scared. Dying wasn't something to look forward to. He felt like he had so much still left to do and so much to say, but there wasn't enough time.

The untouched coffee got cold.

* * *

**This was hard chapter to write, I tell you. I even cried myself. I don't know why I got so emotional but I did, maybe the reason is Abby, though.  
****Hope you're enjoying this all so far! I hope you keep up with this until the end :)**

**- L**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/U: I got a comment concerning Tony and Ziva. However, I am not putting a Tiva-warning on the description of this story, because I believe that there are still shippers for them too. I respect point of views, so I ain't starting defending anybody right now.  
I'm putting the warning here; CAUTION! This chapter consists Tiva. You have been warned. If you aren't a fan of them, there is a summary of this chapter at the end :)**

* * *

On the next night, Tony and Ziva dropped off for an unexpected visit. They looked serious as they sat around the kitchen table. She played with her hair and occasionally gazed at her husband. He sat next to her and had his hand her thigh. He just wanted to be able to touch her. Gibbs sat at the opposite side of the table and looked at them both.

"Why are you here?"

"We need to talk".

"About what?"

Ziva swallowed, "About the future... arrangements".

"Like what? My death? Bring me flowers every now and then, that'll do", Gibbs shrugged.

Tony huffed, "That's not funny, Gibbs".

"Really?" he said sarcastically, "I think it's hilarious".

"Stop it, both of you", Ziva interrupted, "Gibbs... Maybe you should know the facts before you make jokes."

"What facts?"

"Well, like... You know that Abby never misses work."

"Of course".

"Well, she has not been at work for two days. She has been spending a lot of time with McGee. He says that she has been crying a lot. I think, that he lives with him, at least most of the time. He says that she is miserable".

Gibbs looked shocked, "W-what?"

"Tim has taken leaves of absences because of that. Jimmy has also taken few days off", she revealed. Gibbs lifted a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply.

"We are all a little out of place", Ziva explained, "Gibbs, I do not think you actually realize what is really going on. We do not belong anywhere. We are scattered. Work is not the same anymore. We are not happy. Everything we do seems meaningless".

Gibbs opened his eyes and lowered his hand. He had already guessed that his former team wasn't telling the whole truth. He felt guilty.

"We need to know what we will be doing after, you know", Tony said and sighed, "We need advice".

"What? Like an after death guide book? I don't have one", Gibbs shrugged, "I don't have any advice. Just that you have to keep moving forward, that's all".

Ziva sighed and leaned his elbows against the kitchen table. She hid her face in her hands. She didn't want any part of this. She wanted to escape and start over. Tony touched her back and looked sad.

"I cannot take this anymore", she whispered.

"What do you want me to say to make you all feel better?" Gibbs asked.

Tony stood up and decided to make coffee, to separate himself from the conversation. He had a feeling that this was going to be a long night. He took Gibbs' coffee cup from the table. Once again he found out how it was full of cold coffee. It made Tony sad. He felt worthless and weak. He felt like he couldn't help anyone - not his best friends, boss or his wife. He leaned against the sink and sighed. Why was this happening? No one deserved this.

"Gibbs, please", Ziva said and rubbed her forehead.

He looked exhausted, "Tell me, what do I need to do or say to give you peace?"

"This is not a joke! This is serious, this is about life and death!" Ziva stood up, "Why are you making it sound like a joke? It is not funny! I do not want you to die, no one does! Why are you acting like this is not a big deal?"

Tony came to her, "Calm down, Ziva".

"No!" she screamed, "I do not understand this and I refuse to lose another person from my life! Everyone is gone! My father, mother, sister, everyone! I always thought that I would have my NCIS family, but now, everything has changed and I do not care for it!"

"I can't help it!" Gibbs raised his voice, "I am dying! Do you think I want this? Do you think I chose this for fun!?"

Ziva raised a hand on her mouth and closed her eyes.

"Hey, let's take it easy, shall we?" Tony suggested, "I know this is hard, but we got things we need to figure out".

"I have figured out mine", Gibbs revealed, "You don't need to worry".

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"I got it covered", he said and shrugged.

"What do you by gotten it covered? Like a funeral or what?" Tony became agiatated.

"DiNozzo", Gibbs paused and looked at him, "Where's my coffee?"

Tony lifted his arms up in the air, "Oh great, with the mysteries again! That is the last thing we need!"

He turned around against the sink and poured the cups in front of him full of coffee. He placed the cups in front of Gibbs and Ziva, who still remained quiet. She looked away from the both, like figuring out an escape plan. Soon, she stood up and said to go the bathroom. Neither Tony or Gibbs tried to stop her.

Ziva locked the bathroom door, collapsed on the toilet seat and buried her face in her hands. She began to cry silently. She wished someone would wake her up from this nightmare. She was supposed to be happily married, living in a perfect home with a good husband. Why was someone dying then? And why did that someone had to be Gibbs? Out of everyone in the world... Gibbs? She had lost so much in her life - from her father to her brother. She felt like everyone had left her alone. Previously, when she used to feel lonely or insecure about who was on her side, she'd come to Gibbs. He understood her. He knew what it felt like to lose loved ones, he knew the insufferable pain. He knew her darkest hours without saying a word. Now when Ziva saw him, all she could see was a dying man without a hope. She wanted him to be happy and healthy but it was impossible.

She cried for ten minutes before picking herself up from the bathroom floor and heading out back to the kitchen. Her heart was breaking in two. Nothing would ever be the same, never.

"Why did you really come to bother me so late?" Gibbs asked. He noticed immediately that Ziva had cried. It wasn't the first time she had come to his place to shed a few tears and he had a feeling that this wasn't the last one either. She had changed. The walls she had once built were coming tumbling down. He was glad about it but also worried. She had become more vulnerable. Gibbs hoped that her husband wouldn't leave her fighting her wars alone.

"Well actually... We have other news too", Tony said and waited until Ziva sat next to him. He, too, noticed that she had been crying. It was way more familiar sight than he'd wish.

"You found a cure?" Gibbs asked sarcastically.

"You make worse jokes than Palmer nowadays, you know that right?"

"Sitting here all day gets to man one way or another".

"Anyway...", Tony groaned and looked at Ziva.

"We came to tell you that there's good news in this darkness too", she sniffed and looked at her hands in her lap. Slowly she raised her gaze to Gibbs, "I am pregnant".

Tony smiled and turned to look at Gibbs too.

"It is a boy. We both agreed to name him after you -"

"But no Jethro, that won't do him any good over the years", Tony interrupted.

"So we decided on Leroy. Leroy Anthony DiNozzo", Ziva smiled and patted her stomach.

Gibbs didn't say a word, he barely even moved.

"We know how much this all scares you, and us too. So we wanted to be sure that even after you and even us were gone, your legacy would live on", Ziva explained. She took a grib of Gibbs' cold hand that was laying on the table.

"You have done some much good, Jethro. You have done so much for all of us. Everyone in the team is devastated because of you. You mean so much to us. We cannot imagine a life without you and your rules. You are the glue, as they say. You keep us together. Without you, we are just lost pieces, scattered all around the world. Without you I would not have ever met Tony. I would have never gotten married with a good man like him. You really taught him well, Gibbs. You taught all of us well".

Ziva smiled, "Can't you see? You are the reason for so much good in all of us. Without you, Tony and I would not be having this child. We own you so much... Right, Tony?" she turned to look at her husband. He had turned his back on her.

"Tony?"

He had a hand covering his eyes, hiding the tears. His voice was shaking, "Yeah, I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry".

Gibbs felt his life at NCIS flashing before his eyes. He saw each of his agents, friends and even enemies. He remembered Kate. She quit her job and joined NCIS. She was a good agent, until Ari killed her. Ari... Without him, Ziva would have probably never stepped her foot in the Navy Yard. He lost an agent in Kate but got a daughter in Ziva. Then there were Jenny and Mike... His director and his mentor. Gibbs wasn't angry at Mike for not being able to save Jenny. He had forgave him a long time ago, but during that time, he hadn't forgotten Jenny. They had had countless years together. They had their memories that he hold close to his heart. All the late nights and promises, he'd take them to grave with him.

There were so many people going in and out of his life. Some of them were friends and some enemies. He hadn't quite realized it all until now. Ziva made it clear to him that his life wasn't over after he was gone. He'd continuing living in his former colleagues and their children. It made him feel happy, and whole.

Gibbs looked at Tony who had become more of a man he ever thought he'd be. He was a husband, a team leader and soon to be father. He had so much to offer. Gibbs couldn't be more proud of him.

Slowly, Gibbs raised his hand and slapped Tony at the back of his head, "Rule number 52, do not cry over things you cannot change".

Ziva let out a short and silent giggle.

"Thanks, boss", Tony said and rubbed his head. He knew that deep inside the slapping was one of Gibbs' ways to show affection. The man wasn't that gifted with words.

"Go fetch the bourboun bottle from the basement, let's make a toast", Gibbs suggested. Tony ran to get it.

When he reached to the basement, he saw what he didn't want to... A coffin. In all it's bone chilling creepiness, Tony understood now what Gibbs meant by taking care of things. Still, seeing a coffin wasn't fun. He walked closer to it and tapped the soft wood. It was Gibbs' handiwork alright. He was skilled at these things.

He smiled and suddenly a feeling of calmness went through him. He didn't know why but he had a feeling that everything would be okay. He took the bourbon bottle and headed out from the basement.

Tony poured a drink for himself and Gibbs. No drinks to pregnant people, he smirked as he looked at Ziva and her cup of coffee. She raised a brow and blamed his husband for the stage she was in.

"Oh please, you love it", he winked.

"Pig", Ziva chuckled. He laughed and kissed her hair.

Slowly, Gibbs raised the cup of bourbon into the air, "To Leroy Anthony".

"Here, here", Tony agreed.

They stayed for a good half an hour until Tony declared that it was getting late and they should propably leave.

Tony shook hands with Gibbs, "Thanks boss, for the drink - and the headslap".

"You're welcome," Gibbs nodded, "And congratulations, DiNozzo. Let's hope the kid don't get too much of your genes".

Tony laughed as he walked to the front door, "See you later, boss!"

Gibbs kissed Ziva's forehead, "Congratulations to you too, Ziver".

Before she headed out the front door, she turned to him, "Gibbs... I am still praying for a miracle".

"Me too, Ziver, me too", he said and smiled, "Bye Ziver".

"Bye, Gibbs".

Once again, the coffee got cold.

* * *

**For you Tiva-dislikers, let me sum this thing up. So basically Ziva is knocked up and she and Tony are naming the kid Leroy Anthony DiNozzo (since Jethro just doesn't cut it). In this chapter, Gibbs hints that some things of his funeral has been taking care of - and later, Tony finds a coffin that Gibbs had carved himself. There is also a new rule. Rule number 52, do not cry over things you cannot change.  
There is also drinking, crying and a little praising for Gibbs. There's headslapping at the end. And Ziva's still praying for a miracle, just like Gibbs himself.**

**And here we go again. This chapter wasn't as hard as the Abby one, but still... My soul broke in two while writing this.**  
**Hope you enjoyed! See you soon :)**

**- L**


	4. Chapter 4

"You still haven't learned to lock your front door, my dear friend", Ducky sat on Gibbs' couch with his legs crossed. He had a cup of tea in front of him, "Hope you don't mind. I helped myself".

"You're welcome", Gibbs sat at the other end of the couch and sighed. He felt tired from taking a trip to the bathroom. Even the smallest, vital things seemed exhausting and energy consuming.

Gibbs turned his head to look at him, "You haven't answered my calls".

"That is because I'm refusing from what you're asking me to do", Ducky sipped his tea and closed his eyes, "I won't do it, Jethro".

"Come on", Gibbs groaned.

"No", Ducky put the cup back on the table, "I've been playing bridge, Jethro. I've been spending my retirement days alone. I've suffered a heart attack. I've had a gun pointed to my head. I've been kidnapped... And none those things aren't chilling me as much as what you are asking me to do".

"I need you to do it", Gibbs said.

"How many times do I need to refuse?"

"It's not a big deal", Gibbs shrugged, "Just mumble few words and make sure everything goes as planned".

"Mumble?" Ducky raised his eyebrow, "I don't mumble, my dear friend".

"Ducky, come on. I am asking you to do this one thing for me. Consider it as excitement if you will. Whatever works for your retirement days and ways", Gibbs said, "I need you to do this".

"My dear friend, "_a__ man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time_"", Ducky said, "Like our friend Mark Twain once put it".

"That's nice, Duck, add that to the eulogy you'll soon promise to keep", Gibbs smiled.

"Jethro..."

"Look", he turned to look at him, "I don't have a lot to offer you. I'm running out of options. I can't ask DiNozzo and McGee to do this, let alone Abby or Ziva. I'd ask Fornell, but I haven't even told him. And besides, I think he'd just be happy about it -"

Ducky chuckled.

"So I need your help. We've known each other for a long time. I know you're more than capable of doing this. Take it as a last request from a friend".

Ducky sighed and looked at the cup of tea in his hands. What Gibbs asked him to do wasn't what he wanted. He wanted some more dignified way to honor his friend. He was afraid he wasn't gonna be able to find the right words. After all, Gibbs was more like a comrade in a war than a friend. After Ducky retired and before Gibbs' health went down the hill, he used to visit him. They'd play chess and talk about the good old times. Gibbs used Ducky as a consult of some sort, used him to get his mind straight. Ducky remembered the times when Gibbs went astray. He remembered the honest look in his eyes dimming out. He had such unresolved anger that Ducky couldn't believe. Every time he tried his best to advise Gibbs. He tried to make him do the right thing, no matter how hard it was. He did that with his one-man revenge towards the man who was responsible of his misery and loneliness – the death of his wife and child. Each time his quests were over, he'd come back with taller walls around him. He built them taller and taller with each disappointment and memory from the past. Revenge of any kind didn't bring his loved ones back or did any good to anyone, least to him.

He hadn't had that honest look in his eyes since he had to stay at the prison called home. The decease robbed him from honesty, work and the little social life he had so desperately needed. Ducky couldn't say it out loud, but he thought about it a lot...

"Why have you given up, Jethro?"

Gibbs furrowed his brows together, "I'm not giving up. I'm trying to accept this. No one will live forever."

"If I may quote Jesse Jackson who stated that,"_death is an inescapably reality and men die daily, but good deeds live forever"_".

"What do you mean by that?"

"The good you've done over the years", Ducky reminded, "The families you bought closure or a loved one back. The people you've helped. And us, your team. You've never acknowledged it but it's true. You might not live forever, but your good deeds will".

"I'll still die", Gibbs sighed, "Nothing will change that".

"_You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming_".

"Enough with the immortal words of Gandhi".

"That was actually Pablo Neruda, a poet. He died from prostate cancer in 1973", Ducky knew.

"Helpful", Gibbs stated sarcastically.

It took Ducky a moment to stand up. His knees weren't what they used to be, even thought he ran quite a lot for a man his age. But instead of running, he walked to the kitchen to make coffee. He thought Gibbs would become more lively and serious after a cup of joe.

Gibbs coughed into a piece of paper he had in his pocket and furrowed his brows. He looked worried. Then he felt the sharp pain piercing through his body and the worrying turned into a silent wince of pain. He had to catch his breath. The pain came unexpectadly and it really hurt. He felt like someone had stabbed him in his ribcage, puncturing his lungs.

"I'll do it", Ducky accepted Gibbs' request.

"I know", he said and took a better position to sit on the couch.

"But with pleasure? No... I shall take it as a duty", Ducky said.

"I appreciate it".

"Ducky", Gibbs sighed and wiped his face with his hand, "There's also something in the basement that I did when I got this diagnosis. Use it, please".

"Please don't let it be what I think it is", Ducky said and picked up Gibbs' cup from the kitchen. It was empty and clean. He hadn't used it in a while.

"Just please", Gibbs sighed, "Don't let my work go to waste".

Ducky brought him a cup of coffee. Gibbs looked at it for a while and for the first time in a time that felt like his whole life, he didn't want it. He didn't want to drink coffee. He had realized that it didn't do jack for his well being at the stage he was in. It didn't help at all, just burned his insides and they felt like they were on fire even without coffee.

He turned his gaze to Ducky instead, "Take care of them, will ya?"

"Of course".

Tears were burning in the corners of Gibbs' eyes. He had held them back for such a long time, the fear, the pain and the overwhelming sadness. He hadn't told anyone about the sleepless nights he had spent looking at his wife and child's picture and crying. If there was a God and a heaven, he'd be more than happy to meet them again. But if there indeed was a higher being, why would he make him suffer like this? Why would he drag him through so much pain if the price of it was never proven by a single human being or even science?

"I don't wanna leave them".

"I know..."

"You have to visit them. To see how they're doing".

"I promise".

"Ducky", Gibbs said and looked at his shaking hands. They used to build so many things, now they mostly prayed for a painless ending, "I have a feeling".

"What kind of a feeling?"

"A bad one".

Ducky furrowed his brows in worry and wanted to sip his tea, but noticed it had gotten cold. He didn't care about it as much as he cared about Gibbs' words. That feeling he had... Ducky had an idea of what it might be but he didn't want to admit it to himself. Gibbs' inevitable withering right in front of Ducky's eyes was hard to watch. A thought of death was hard to grasp.

Gibbs coughed and laid against the back of the couch, "Just... Take care of them, please".

"I promise I will".

Gibbs closed his eyes and smiled to himself, "Ziva's pregnant".

Ducky's eyes widened, "What?"

"She's pregnant. Just... look after her and the baby too. And make sure Abby stays at work. Make sure that she and Tim work out fine -"

"What do you mean by that?"

"He's in love with her", Gibbs revealed and looked at his friend, "You didn't notice?"

Ducky chuckled, "This is the Jethro I know. On top of everything while staying at home, barely even seeing the people he talks about".

Gibbs smiled, "Someone's gotta stay ahead".

Ducky went serious, "A lot of things have changed, Jethro. More than we both like to admit", Ducky remarked and turned to look at his friend, "But change is inevitable in the face of life. It's constant. I'll promise to look after them, but you should give them some credit too. They have gone such a long way, Jethro. They have exceeded themselves in many ways. You have taught them well and because of that, they will be fine. I trust them and you should too".

"I do, of course I do", Gibbs contradicted. He crossed his fingers like he was praying and leaned his forehead against them. He closed his eyes and sighed, "How could I not? I owe them more than they owe me".

Ducky hummed and smiled, "___But if trouble must come__, l____et __it ____come __in ____my time__, ____so __that ____my children can live __in ____peace_".

"Gandhi again?"

"Thomas Paine".

"Paine has a point", Gibbs sighed, "I just wish I could have told them, how much I..."

Ducky smiled, "They know, Jethro. They know you love them".

Gibbs turned to look at Ducky, "Thank you, Donald".

"This isn't a goodbye quite yet, Jethro", he remarked, "Quit making it sound like it one".

He took his hat that had fallen on the floor from the couch. He put it on his head and stood up. He walked to the door and opened it. He looked at his friend.

"You're a good friend, Duck", Gibbs said, "Take care of yourself too".

"See you soon, old friend".

Once Ducky had left, Gibbs slowly pulled the paper from his pants pocket. He looked at it and the same worrying expression he had had before, came back.

The coffee got cold. And he tasted the same thing in his mouth that was on the paper... Blood.

* * *

**I hope I didn't go over the top with the quotes? I searched them for such a long time to find perfect ones. The last one of this chapter was the one that fitted the most, when I come to think of it.  
Anyways, I've always loved Ducky/Gibbs dynamics. I think they are like night and day, which makes their friendship special. Gibbs trusts Ducky like no other. I gave my all to make their friendship come alive! This chapter was a delight to write but damn it made me sad.  
Hope you enjoyed :) See you soon! :)**

**- L**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/U: For the Tiva haters again... CAUTION! This chapter contents mostly Tiva but there's also McGee/Abby plus Jimmy and Ducky. So yeah, you've been warned. You can just skip this instead of whining about it. Enjooooy! :)**

* * *

Ziva tossed in bed. It wasn't the baby keeping her up. It was the seemingly endless nightmare of having to watch Gibbs die all over again without being able to help. She looked at his face that turned into a thankful smile and then he'd just disappear. She'd turn back time to try to help, but each time, she couldn't do anything. She tried to reach for him but there was too much distance in between them. He'd smile, look up in the ceiling and fade to dust. Ziva would cry and cry and cry before turning back time again. It was a never-ending cycle that she woke up sweaty and panting from.

"Hey", Tony caressed her cheek, "You okay?"

She covered her eyes because the sun light hit her eyes, "I just saw a horrible nightmare..."

"Ziva..."

"It was the same as it always was. The one about Gibbs", she said and turned on her side and closer to Tony.

His voice was breaking, "Ziva..."

Slowly she moved her arm from covering her eyes. She saw Tony who shaking like a leaf. He looked like he had been awake for three days straight. His eyes were red and swollen.

"What is the matter?" Ziva sat up and ran her hand on his jaw stubble.

"Ducky called", he said and took her hand in his, "Ziva... Gibbs is..."

She took her hand back from his grasp and lifted it to cover her mouth. Her eyes widened. The realization of Tony's words hit her like a train. She stood on the tracks and it just ran over her. She couldn't believe it. This wasn't happening. No reality would be this cruel.

Her voice was weak, "When? How?"

"At home, apparently in his sleep", Tony said.

"Was he in pain?"

"I don't know. Palmer is doing the autopsy", he said, "Ducky's there with him".

Ziva turned her gaze away from Tony. She looked at her hands and touched her stomach. Her breathing became shallow. Slowly she stood up. Tony asked her where was she going. She didn't answer so he grabbed her arm, but she told him blankly not to touch her. She disappeared into the bathroom.

Tony dangled his head and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. He knew this day would eventually come but he was never truly prepared for it. The moment when Ducky called at 5 AM was like a nightmare for Tony. He had just listened without barely even making a sound. Ducky told him about the tissues with blood on them. Gibbs had had one in his pocket. Apparently his lungs were giving up on him, even though Tony thought Gibbs would have had more time.

He picked up the phone from his pocket and dialed McGee. A low, hoarse voice answered. Tony guessed that he wasn't the only who knew the tragedy. He invited McGee over and told him to bring Abby with him and Palmer along with Ducky, if possible. McGee had said yes and hung up.

Tony stood up and dragged himself slowly to the bathroom. The shower was turned on. This wasn't the first time this had happened. This was what Ziva did when the walls around her were completely broken. She had once said that when she'd feel completely numb and crying wasn't enough, she'd need to feel something on her skin, something to prove she was real.

He opened the shower curtains and found her curled up on the floor. Cold water was splashing against her skin. He turned it off and sat next to her.

"Gibbs is gone", she sniffed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

He took her cold hand in his, "Afraid so".

"What are we going to do?"

"I called the others. They're on their way".

"Why did you do that?" she asked, "They need time to process this, just like we do too".

"Ziva, I know that but better to get these ugly things over first. We got time to grieve after those".

She looked at her husband with confused eyes, "How are you so calm about this?"

"Oh my Ziva", he brushed her cheek with his thumb. She noticed tears in his eyes, "I started my grieving when Gibbs stopped breathing".

Ziva sighed, closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his, "I cannot believe".

He didn't reply, so she lifted his chin with her fingers. His eyes were glistening and he was biting his lip. She knew what that meant. It wasn't the first time she had seen those signs. The man with the movie references and quotes was gone - replaced by the real Anthony DiNozzo, the man with deep, genuine emotions.

"I know, _ahuvi_", she whispered, "I know".

She opened her arms to him and smiled sadly. He clang onto her like to his last hope. Now it seemed like she was the only comfort he could ever find. He cried against her and he felt like the anger and the desperation were pouring out of him. He couldn't help it. His sobs rocked her body but Ziva took it in, even though she was looking up at the shower head and swallowing her tears. This seemed to be an endless nightmare. They were suppose to have a free day from work but now there were crying together in the shower. She held on for a minute before collapsing to the sorrow herself.

At other households, Tim had broken the news to Abby. She cried her eyes out. They laid on her bed until she fell asleep. That was when Tim received a call from Tony. He simply said yes, hung up and wrapped himself around Abby. They were like two lost kids, looking for shelter from each others. The warmth of Abby made Tim feel better. She clang onto him and realized that she had never been more grateful about his existence in her whole life. She was glad that fate had been on their side. She was glad that in the end, there wasn't anybody else for her except Tim. He knew her every weakness and he loved her for all of them. She was lucky. Now that Gibbs was gone, she took comfort of the knowledge that she still had someone in her life that would take her side.

Jimmy had called Ducky in the early hours of the morning about what the nurses that used to keep an eye on Gibbs had found out when they went to take his laundry to be cleaned and organize his medications. Ducky had collapsed to sit on the nearest chair. He had closed his eyes and realized that when he had promised Gibbs that the last time they had met wasn't a goodbye, he was wrong. He remembered Gibbs talking about a feeling. Maybe getting closer to death was the feeling, like a sixth sense of some sort - knowing the end of oneself. Ducky rushed to the Navy Yard to support Jimmy as he performed the autopsy. For the hours it took, Jimmy stayed in the line of calm but once he had done the stitched, his knees gave up and he collapsed on the floor. He cried when Ducky told Gibbs to rest well and put him in the freezer to wait to be laid down in his final resting place.

* * *

**Sorry for the shortness. I wanted to make this chapter it's own and not interfering with the up-coming one. But okay, bare with me. Okay?  
And about the Hebrew. Well I did my research and I hope the I got it right. Ziva's suppose to say "_my love_" or something even remotely close to that. Hope it's correctly. If it's not and you know Hebrew, please let me know so that I can make my wrongs right!  
But yeah, let's keep going! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/U: Well, this contains a little Tiva, again. This chapter also contains all of the team mates. Tiva is just part of the big picture. Hang in there. Please and thank you.**

* * *

They all wore black as they sat in Tony's living room and looked at their coffees and teas in deep, exhausting wonderment. They felt empty. There was a hallow heartbeat making sure they they were alive. It beat like a drum against their rib cages. Funny how an organ that kept them alive, didn't make them_ feel_ the same way. A part of them had died, much like their friend. Their heads were filled with images of every loved one they had ever lost. Everyone made up an image of Gibbs' up-coming funerals and added it to the most heart-breaking collection of all times. Their eyes were empty with broken blood vessels. The crying took a toll on them and made them tired. There was not enough coffee, or caf-pow, in the world who could make them feel better. They had lost something so valuable, they'd have to search their whole lives to find someone even remotely close enough to be a resemblance and it still wound't be enough. There had been only one Leroy Jethro Gibbs and now there was none. It was the emptiness - the all consuming emptiness, that tore them apart, piece by piece.

"I presume no one is having anymore coffee", Tony held a full coffee pot in his hand. He thought it was a good idea to make it but when he saw everyone, he realized he had made a mistake.

"No, thank you, Anthony", Ducky was the only one to answer.

Ziva walked past him when she came from the kitchen, she touched his shoulder and put the small sandwiches on the table, just in case someone had an appetite.

Tony sat on his seat at the end of the living room couch. He sighed. This was not going to be easy, "Okay, I... I honestly, don't know where to begin. But um, I think we need to think this over to deal with the... you know, funeral and things".

"And things? What are buring? A cat?" Abby snapped but immidiately apologized.

"It's okay, Abs, I get it. We are all out of place right now, but I think that the faster we get through with these nasty pleasantries, we can... Um... I don't know".

"I think what Anthony here means, is that we decide coffins and eulogies and things. Once those are done, we can mentally prepare ourselves to the hardest part - laying Jethro to rest", Ducky explained.

"That sounds horrible", Abby sniffed.

"I think it's a good idea", Jimmy agreed with Tony and Ducky, "I mean, what else can we do?"

"Well, then", Tony cleared his throat, "I can take care of the coffin".

"Tony, you should know that there is no need to actually buy one", Ducky implied.

"I know", he nodded, "There's a free one in his basement".

Everybody turned to look at Tony, "What?" Tim asked.

"That is so creepy", Abby said with a hint of disgust in her voice.

Tim turned to her, "You have slept in one yourself!"

Abby opened her mouth for a objection but closed it instead. Tim had a point.

"Anyway!", Tony said in between, "He carved it himself. I was looking for bourbon and I also found a coffin. Can't say that that was the most pleasant thing to find".

"Well that's decided then. Tony'll take the coffin", Tim summered, "Eulogy?"

"I shall perform that", Ducky said, "It was his request".

"Delightful", Tony remarked.

"Indeed, but I did promise him".

"How about flowers and food?" Jimmy asked, "And the most important thing, where will we even bury him?"

"Next to Shannon and Kelly, of course", Abby answered, "That's what he would have wanted".

"Okay, good idea", Jimmy noted, "Then the flowers and food? A small service after the funeral, perhaps?"

"I can take care of that", Abby offered, "With a little help, though".

"I can help", Tim said.

"So, I deal with the coffin, Ducky with the eulogy, McGee and Abby with foods and flowers. How about you, Palmer?" Tony asked.

He grinced, "Invitations?"

"No invitations, Mr. Palmer", Ducky remarked, "This isn't a jolly wedding!"

"Sorry, sorry", he said and rubbed his chin, "I can carry the coffin?"

"I can do that too", Ducky said, "And Tony can also lend a hand".

Tony accepted and looked at Ziva, "How about you? What do you wanna do?"

Slowly, she turned her gaze to her husband, "This is not an auction. I do not want to do _any_ of this".

Tony quieted down. Everyone else looked at their hands in shame. This indeed wasn't an auction where everybody could pick their favorite activity. This was about honoring a friend, not selling him for the best price.

"I want him back, Tony", she said and stood up, "There is nothing I want more than that".

She disappeared into the kitchen, while Abby grabbed McGee's hand and bit her lip. She had done such a hard job of keeping herself from crying for the last half an hour, but now that state of mind was crumbling again. Tim wrapped his arm around her. It hurt his heart to see her this way and especially when there was nothing he could do about it.

"I'm sorry, Ziva", Tony said and wrapped his arms around her waist. She stood back against his chest, "I didn't mean to disrespect anyone".

She turned around in his arms and looked into his eyes, "I miss him".

"I know, but we have to deal -"

Ziva felt a strange sensasion in her stomach. She stopped Tony sentence and moved her hands on her stomach. It was a kick. The baby kicked.

"What? The baby did what?!" Tony shouted. For a moment, the pain of grief disappeared. A light of new hope came to life and illuminated his body and soul.

"It kicked!" she lifted her gaze from her stomach to his eyes, "The baby kicked!"

Everyone in the living room sharpened their hearing because of one particular word that had been a massive, well hidden secret.

"Tony?" Abby asked, "What did you say?"

He moved to the doorway of the living room with his wife. They both had proud smiles on their faces, "The baby kicked!"

"What baby?" Tim asked.

"Oh right", Tony looked at Ziva, "They don't know".

"I do", Ducky raised his hand and snickerd quietly in delight.

"You do? How?"

"Gibbs told me".

"Son of a bitch!" Tony blurt out but few seconds later he didn't simply give a damn what Gibbs had told and to whom, because his son kicked for the first time! Tony felt like he could explode from all the pride and happiness he felt!

"You're pregnant?" Abby yelled and stood up. She took a good look at Ziva and saw the glowing, pregnant woman in front of her, "How did I missed that?!"

The congralations flew through the air as Tony kissed his wife.

Ziva turned her gaze to Tony, "I can carry the coffin with you", she volunteered silently as Abby hugged her for the third time. Tony nodded and smiled.

For the first time since they found out about the baby, there was genuine happiness in the air. It reached everyones hearts and made them smile, even just a little bit but still.

"Well, since we're sharing good news!" Abby started, cupped McGee's face and gave him a kiss on the lips. She smiled before kissing him again, "I love you too".

Tim's eyes widened but he replied to the kiss by wrapping his arms around Abby. There were no words needed from his side. Tim felt sure. He felt more sure about his heart's choice than about anything else in his whole life. Abby was the right choice - she had always been.

"Woah, woah, when did this happen?" Tony looked confused and surprised.

"It just happened", Abby said plainly. She leaned against Tim.

"Gibbs knew", Ducky said.

"Was there something he didn't know?" Tony asked, "Like anything to do with any of us? Like are you gonna outlive us all, Duck? Or is Palmer getting a divorce and moving to the autopsy?"

"Rude", Jimmy raised a finger and objected quietly.

Ducky chuckled, "He's Gibbs! He knows everything," he bowed his head because of the present tense, so he corrected it quietly, "Or... At least he did."

The mood dropped. Everyone quieted down again. The gloomy clouds of sadness made their unwanted return. The happiness was replaced by sad images of funerals again.

"Can we go home?" Abby whispered. Tim nodded and told that maybe it was time to prepare for the day when they'd have to finally say goodbye. Slowly everybody made their departure until it was just Tony and Ziva left.

"I hate the silence", Tony groaned.

"So did he", Ziva knew.

* * *

**Why the awkward jokes? Well, I think that there are silver linings to even such horrible things as grief, you just have to find them. Okay, I do really sound like a self help book, don't I?  
Anyway... So, we're getting closer to the ending. This has been a nice little ride. Hope you have enjoyed it. Hold on tight for a little more :)**

**- L**


	7. Chapter 7

They all thought the day was going to be gloomy with a hint of rain, but they were wrong. The sky was clear and blue. The birds were chirping and somewhere, soldiers were yelling orders. For the rest of the people, who would be cutting their front lawn or eating ice-cream with their lover, this was a perfect day. But for some, this day was the end of an era.

They all decided to carry the coffin. In the end, it was the right, logical decision. They looked sad beyond words. No one ever believed to part of this day but there they were. Once the coffin was down, they all sat on their seats.

Tony sat next to Ziva. He looked at her quickly and squeezed her hand. She was like lost in her thoughts and was nowhere to be found. Tim also looked at Abby and saw her crying silently. He kissed her temple and whispered that everything would be okay. She wanted to believe that, but it was more than hard. Jimmy entwined his hands with Breena and bit his lip. Ducky crossed his fingers like he was praying and wished this would be over soon.

Fornell had found out about Gibbs' health issues way too late. He was bitter at him for keeping him out of the loop, but on the other hand, it was Gibbs. He understood his ways of actions. Fornell had given his life on his hand for so many times, that the trust was like a stubborn stain in his life – permanent.

Tom Morrow and Vance came to give their respects. Vance held the hands of his children and smiled at them. He thought about his wife and how his life had turned around. He thought about the team Gibbs left behind and felt sad for them. Facing loss was hard and moving on was even harder, but in the end, there was nowhere left to go but forward.

Gibbs' ex-wives showed up and also Hollis Mann made her appearance. None of them pledged eternal hatred towards him.

Stan took a leave of absence from his shipment to honor an old friend. He looked at Gibbs' team and smiled sadly. He thought what kind of an impact his former team leader made on them – and him.

The minister began to talk, but it seemed like no one listened.

Tim's memories took him into the orange halls of the Navy Yard, back in the time when his grandmother was a lead witness in a murder case. He had almost yelled at Gibbs for keeping Penny in custody! He wanted to question her himself, it was his relative after all. Tim had told Gibbs that his grandmother meant everything to him. Gibbs had insisted that he'd be the one interrogating her. Tim stood his ground and said Gibbs that she'd talk to his grandson. Tim remembered that moment as clear as yesterday but he didn't know the part where Gibbs walked to the observation room with a proud smile on his face.

Abby remembered the moment when she found out that she was adopted. She had felt lost and like a stranger to herself. Gibbs had told her that family was more than just DNA. She remembered his warm words and how they affected her. They made her feel safe and blessed. She remembered thinking how lucky she was to have her own Gibbs. In reality, she looked in a coffin and a part of her broke apart forever.

"_You don't have to do this alone, Abby. You've got a family and we'll help you through it_", she remembered his words. Now they were all that she had to rely on.

Ducky though back to the time when there had been slight bad blood between him and Gibbs. He hadn't told him about Shannon and Kelly. Gibbs had expressed his feelings towards the rule number 6, but he had ignored it and apologized Ducky for keeping a secret. He had felt appreciated. Gibbs had made an exception for him.

Jimmy remembered the first time he had endangered his life and defined the rules. Gibbs had specifically told him to stay in the car and not try any funny business. Jimmy thought that being a loser wouldn't help his friends or if a tough place would come, save them. He drove through his fear, literally. He had felt a little smart-ass when he told Gibbs that he indeed had stayed in the car. Gibbs had smiled at him. Jimmu had felt like he was worthy of something – and proud of himself.

Tony's memories took him back to Baltimore, specifically his first moments with Gibbs. He was a strange and smug NCIS agent. Tony had thought high hopes for himself but they all got wrecked. In the end, he wasn't even mad about it. Gibbs had opened Tony's eyes. The day he joined NCIS was the start of his new life. He gave the lead to Gibbs with pleasure. He made him a father-figure when his own father wasn't doing a very good job. Tony had pretended to be a tough guy with a pocket full of jokes and movie references but Gibbs saw beneath those layers. He saw the real Anthony DiNozzo, that only few people had ever seen. Tony raised his boss into a level of God that unraveled before his eyes. As time flew by, Gibbs became a just a man, but even in his weakest and fragile moments, Tony had seen the strength in him and the hero of the story. Gibbs had said that his rule number 5 said not to waste good, which Gibbs saw in Tony. He swore never to forget those words.

Ziva could see it like it was yesterday... Gibbs lying on the hospital bed, not being able to remember barely anything. With tears in her eyes, Ziva had explained how her brother had killed Kate and Ziva had shot her own brother. Slowly it came back to Gibbs and Ziva broke apart.

"_You killed your brother to save me?_" Gibbs had remembered.

She had said yes and started crying. She had trusted a total stranger and shot her own brother. It was still a blur to her after all these years. The trust was a tight bond that was never truly broken, no matter what, not even when Gibbs had found out that she had had orders from Mossad to earn his trust. With tears in her eyes, Ziva swore that she hadn't known about Ari's actions. Ziva was upset that the closest thing to a father was accusing her and at that point something within Gibbs slipped right back into place. The puzzle had been completed and the bond stayed as strong as it could be, until the very end.

Tony and Ziva received the folded American flag. They wanted it to be a memory to pass on for their son, so that he'd never forget where he got his name. Tony stood proudly with the flag in his arms and Ziva leaning against his shoulder.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust", the minister pronounced.

Soldiers fired shots.

Abby began to cry.

Ziva's poker face didn't hold any longer. She turned to Tony who's eyes glistened just the same and let out a small whimper. Tony nodded kissed her cheek. She leaned against his chest and cried.

Ducky dried his tears along side of Tim and Jimmy.

The soldiers orders seemed to echo far away when the funeral finally ended. They had planned a small ceremony afterwards. It was time to say final words of honor.

Before they left the graveyard, Ducky turned to the grave and smiled, "Fair winds and following seas, my friend".

* * *

**Sorry that this is again too short.  
I did a lot of research about Navy funerals. I found this interesting article with different variations of the ceremonies. I picked the one that seemed the most appropriate. I don't think Gibbs had any blood relatives so I replaced them with his former team mates. That seemed natural to me. What also seemed natural was to add the flashbacks of the past. For some of the people it was hard to find a memorable and significant scene with Gibbs, but I think I managed to find something even slightly important.  
I hope I got it all right.  
And yeah, the end is coming soon. Hang on for a little more :)**

**- L**


	8. Chapter 8

"C.S. Lewis, an Irish writer, once described that grief was a lot like fear, and being mildly drunk or concussed. He said, "_There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in_". I do agree with Mr. Lewis. I feel like this whole thing is not real, like it is all part of a play. But the difference here is, that no one's coming to close the curtains. There's no stop to this act, since it has already ended", Ducky started his eulogy.

Tony had found a place near that was dedicated to memorials. A small place for few dozen people. There was a picture of Gibbs on a table and flowers next to it, white lilies. The guests sat next to each other on two long tables, placed in the center of the room, freeing space enough to move around if necessary. Gibbs' former team mates sat on the left side table.

"I was given the honor to deliver a eulogy for an old friend. I was not happy about it back then and neither am I now. This is a horrible thing to deliver when all I want to do is to turn back time. But somethings cannot be undone".

Tony looked at Ziva, who stroked her stomach. She looked in front of herself with empty eyes. She was in a zone where she didn't didn't hear or feel anything. The zone would keep her safe from the pain, at least for a while. The eulogy was the harsh reality along side of the funeral itself and this memorial, that she wanted to escape from.

Tim held Abby's hand. She leaned against his shoulder. She didn't cry. She looked at Ducky and smiled. She thought what a right choice it was to choose Gibbs' oldest friend to deliver a speech. Ducky knew how to speak and touch the hearts of the audience.

Jimmy kept on nodding and rolling the wedding ring on his finger. Breena kept looking at him. She whispered that 'everything would be alright' and 'breathe'. Jimmy focused on inhaling and exhaling and Ducky's words.

"We have come here today to give our final respects to Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I am a man of class and I do dwell on the past more than I care to admit, so if you all forgive me for using the oldest of phrase... We lost a great man, but his memory and legacy will live on. He was a humble man with a good heart. Anyone denying that didn't know him at all. He had his secrets, like how did he get the boats out the basement -"

Everybody laughed.

"And other things typical to him. He was a mystery but I am glad to say that I was his friend and so were many of you", Ducky smiled, "Now... I wrote this eulogy over ten times to get it right. I still feel like something is missing and possibly the answer to that feeling is Gibbs himself. He's missing. The world goes on and keeps revolving but our lives, right here, have taken a moment to stop and stand still. We have been granted mercy to appreciate what we have, before it is too late. I am not going to ramble on this time, like I usually do, so I make this as short and painless as I can".

Ducky's eyes glistened.

"We shall keep fighting the good fight for you, Jethro".

He exited the stage and walked back to his table. He could hear the hints of applause, but couldn't remember where they even appropriate in a funeral. He looked out of the nearest window and saw birds flying around in circles. He looked at the graveyard. There was a thick forest in between. Ducky swore he could almost see Gibbs staring and saluting him. When he blinked, he was gone.

"That was a beautiful speech", Abby said and patted Ducky's back.

"Thank you, Abigail", he said but didn't look at her, "I put all my best efforts into it".

"It was great, doctor", Jimmy said and smiled.

Ziva dropped back into the reality. She looked at Ducky and said thank you. He didn't reply. He couldn't. He didn't want anyone to hear his breaking voice and smothering tears.

"He would have been proud", Tony added.

The guest chatted to each other and ate from the buffet. There were a lot of memories instead of tears. After couple of hours, the only ones left in the room were Gibbs' former team mates. They had cups of coffee with them, except for Ziva and Ducky, who had tea in front of them as they shared memories about Gibbs.

"All I can remember vividly, which is a surprise itself, are the headslaps!" Tony said and made everyone laugh, "Surprise in a way that I am pretty sure I suffered a lot of mild concussions! It was oddly affectionate but it's still not fair that McGee gets pats on the back and I get smacked on the head!"

Ducky laughed, "I do remember when he visited us in the autopsy! Always on time! He'd stop me from rambling and then Mr. Palmer would make a joke of his humor and Gibbs would stare him quiet!"

"He sure was scary", Jimmy shrugged.

"I will always be grateful for the ridiculous amounts of caf-pow! I mean I've cut out a bit, but still", Abby told, "I can remember like every time he brought me one. About ten times a day. Or more, mostly. No wonder why I always had to run to the bathroom!"

Everybody laughed and Tim patted Abby's shoulder, "I remember when I first saw him and I was sitting on some harbor of some sort. I was doing something with my computer when suddenly, I was falling on the ground! Turns out, I was sitting on Gibbs' briefcase! He just pulled it right under me!"

"That was hilarious!" Tony let out a loud laugh.

"I remember when we were sitting in the squad room, I have a feeling that Tony was in charge in that case, but I might be wrong", Ziva started, "Anyway... Gibbs had been silent the whole day. Suddenly he started talking and analyzing something. I looked at him like he was a complete stranger! It was so strange! Because I do not think, in his whole life, he had talked that much!"

Tim pointed at Ziva and laughed, "I remember that! It was strange!"

They made quick and funny remarks on Gibbs' wits and his ex-wives. They all laughed and felt good about sharing something funny instead of painful and personal. But soon the laughs were replaced by silence.

Ziva rubbed her stomach, "We are naming our son after him".

Everyone turned to her, "It's a boy?" Abby asked.

"But not Jethro", Tony corrected, "That is just one hell of an ugly name..."

"Good choice", Tim said and made Abby laugh a little. She leaned against his shoulder and squeezed his arm. She felt happy to have him.

"Leroy Antony DiNozzo", Ziva revealed. Tony looked at his wife in awe. He was sure she'd be a great mother. He just knew. For himself, he thought about playing with the kid and throwing ball and teaching him the over 50 rules Gibbs had thought him. Tony promised himself to tell stories about the famous L.J. Gibbs – the man less than few words. He smiled to himself. Everything would fall apart eventually, he thought.

"That's a great legacy", Ducky said. He didn't have kids of his own, so he thought maybe he'd be a grandfather to Tony and Ziva's son. That would be wonderful. No more bingo and bridge with his cheating playmates.

Eventually they all decided to leave the memorial and go back to the graveyard. The wind was slightly chilly, but not too cold. There weren't any clouds in the sky and the birds were chirping their songs of freedom.

"I'm gonna miss him", Tony said. He held his wife hand and realized that there was a new chapter turning in his life – a chapter in which he'd have to get by without his mentor. Gibbs had molded him and changed him and there wasn't any way to pay him back – there never was.

"I love him", Abby smiled and sniffed quietly, "He's my Gibbs... No, he's _our_ Gibbs".

"Let's go", Tim said, "We have work in the morning".

They all started to leave but Ducky stood still. They asked was he coming. He told them he'd be there in a minute. He just needed a moment. They granted him that and slowly walked away. Ducky made sure they were far enough not to hear anything. He looked down to Gibbs' grave.

"In all these years that we have been solving various crimes together, I think you never truly saw the impact of your actions. You were a man of few words but still you moved people – like you moved me. You saw the darkest hour and mine too. I guess I never told you how much I appreciated it - you standing by me when I wasn't strong enough. Even when I saw you for the last time, you were more concerned about others than yourself, even thought you were in pain. And I shall keep my word and keep them safe the best I can. They will move on eventually but you won't be forgotten, I can guarantee that".

Ducky sighed and looked up in to the bright sky.

"You made a difference, Jethro. You won your battles and wars. Now it is time for peace. May you find it too".

Ducky smiled. A tear fell down his cheek.

"_Semper fidelis_, gunny".

* * *

**Okay, here we are, at the end. I hope you all enjoyed reading this.  
****Thank you for your comments, reviews and PMs! :) xo**  
I don't know what I'll be writing next. Let's hope we'll see each other soon :)  
**  
**

**- L**


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